How to deal with a four-year-old who doesn’t listen
You know the moment you are cooking, and you think it’s nice that your child is playing quietly, but when you look up, you see that they have dumped all of their puzzle pieces on the floor?
Ask them to go back and cook dinner while you clean up the mess.
You go back to the living area a few minutes later, and you find that same pile of pieces untouched.
Your child didn’t listen. You are frustrated but not surprised.
This is a common problem with four-year-olds who don’t listen. I will show you how to deal with this issue.
Expectations realistic for 4-year-old Listeners
You need to set realistic expectations for your 4-year-old before you can deal with him. It is important to have realistic expectations of your 4-year-old in order to get more cooperation from them.
It is unrealistic to expect your 4-year-old child to obey immediately without any help.
Audio processing
As a rule, kids take longer to understand what is being said. It’s easy for parents to assume that their children have understood right away. It can be even more difficult to get everything together if there are distractions or other sounds.
Moreover, 3-5% of all children suffer from auditory processing disorder. This creates a greater challenge. Read more about auditory-processing disease here.
Impulse Control
Even if your child understands what you are saying, they may not have the impulse control necessary to follow through. , children as young as four years old can be extremely impulsive. This is because children don’t start learning to control their impulses until they are 3.
You can’t expect them always to use this skill.
You may find it difficult to get them to listen if you ask them not to do something that they enjoy or is out of their hands (e.g., aggressive behavior). It can be not easy to get them to listen if you’re asking them not to do something they like or that seems out of their control (ex.
The Right Questions to Ask
When parents ask their children a question, they can set unrealistic expectations.
When you tell a child to “pick that up now,” the expectation is for them to do so immediately. This can be difficult for children.
You can instead say, “After you finish playing, I’d like you to pick up that piece. Let me know if there is anything else you need.”
You should intervene if you ask someone to do something and they do not do it. Otherwise, they will learn they do not need to follow your instructions.
If you tell them to “pick that up now” and they refuse, you should help them. Should they be expected to do so if it wasn’t a necessity? Most likely not.
When you tell them to put on their shoes, you can give them a warning. For example, you could say, “We are leaving in five minutes, so please put on your shoes.” They will have plenty of time to do this. But when it is time to leave, they must follow through.
The easiest way to deal with a four-year-old who won’t listen
There are many ways to get a 4-year-old to listen. There are many strategies to get a 4-year-old to listen. Many parents expect too much from their children (but please see above).
If your 4-year-old child is not listening, I recommend you try this simple, understated approach. Below, I’ll give you more suggestions on how to deal with a four-year-old who won’t listen.
This is the easy strategy that I would like you to adopt:
Take some time off.
This is the perfect time to “take a Break” when your 4-year-old is not listening and running around.
What to do when your four-year-old wants constant attention
How to take a rest
Take a Break looks like this. First, you say, “Hey we need a quick break, let’s sit on the couch together.”
Hold their hand, take a big breath, and encourage them to do the same.
You can then say: “I want us to discuss …”
You might say, “I want us to discuss our plans to prepare to leave.” We are going to Grandma’s soon, but I’m not sure we’re prepared yet. What should we do to prepare? …. What do you think we should do first?… Okay, let’s go your way. What would you suggest we do first ?… Okay, let’s go your way. Do you want to start right away, or do we need to cuddle a bit first? Let’s cuddle…That’s a good cuddle. Okay, let’s get started .”
This example of a dialogue about taking a rest has some important points to note:
- Sitting down and taking a deep breath together can help children calm down.
- It is easier to listen when you are close.
- It is important to listen to your child and let them be involved in the planning process. This will help them follow through.
- By addressing the issues slowly and with less stimulation, they are able to understand what you have said fully.
- You can help them to feel more confident by giving them the opportunity to stay connected for a bit longer.
It’s easy to take a break, but it is a subtle way to help an uncooperative four-year-old.
This won’t work in every situation. But it’ll work for many. It will teach your child to listen and trust you.
What if your four-year-old gets aggressive when you ask them to do/not to do something?
As I’m sure many parents are dealing with a 4-year-old who won’t listen, they are also selling with a great deal of aggression. I want to talk about that.
You may ask your child to get ready for bed, but they become aggressive.
Take a break to help them listen. This is because this aggressive behavior can often be due to two reasons:
- It would be best if you had a more meaningful connection with them. This will help them control their emotions.
- It would be best if you gained their trust that you are looking out for their best interests when you ask them to take a certain action.
It can be difficult to deal with big emotions that lead to aggressive behavior. It would be best if you focused on the aggression, not the non-listening. These are a few quick tips to help you deal with a four-year-old aggressive child who does not listen.
