A 3-year-old is wonderful, but it can also be a challenge.
It can be not easy to get a three-year-old to listen to you when you want them to do something like brush their teeth or pick up their toys.
Sometimes, we need three-year-olds to listen. Here are some tips on how to get your child to listen to you without getting frustrated.
Why don’t three-year-olds listen
Wouldn’t you like to hear three-year-olds?
It feels like, at three years old, they ought to have the ability to listen. Their language skills have suddenly increased dramatically, and they can understand almost everything you say.
What about following up on what you say? Not at all.
If your 3-year-old doesn’t follow your instructions or understand what you say, it is likely, that they are still too young.
The child is not defying you, but they still have a limited amount of self-control, can be distracted, and are figuring out how to be independent.
The tips below will help you develop a lifelong foundation of listening and respect. But it is important to remember that listening at three years old is not easy. They will need your help.
It would be best if you had realistic expectations for your child. It is possible that your 3-year-old doesn’t pay attention because you are asking them to perform a task they are not yet ready to complete.
What to do when a 3-year-old doesn’t listen
Don’t over ask
Remember when your child was a toddler and always wanted to be independent? Did they want to do things without you?
At three years of age, children are still developing their independence and autonomy.
You can lose their independence if you constantly tell them what to do.
Be careful not to ask too much from your 3-year-old, as they may decide that it isn’t important for them to listen at a time when it really matters.
There are a few things you can do to avoid asking too much:
- Choose meaningful options (ex. Give them meaningful choices (ex. You can accept whatever choice they make as long as you are ok with it.
- Avoid overtiredness or overstimulation, as you will end up asking a lot from them due to their behavior.
- Instead of telling them to “get off the couch,” tell them what you want them to do. Tell them what they should do instead of what not to do (ex.
Listen to them
As important as it is for your 3-year-old to listen, you should also listen to him.
No one should be surprised if a 3-year-old doesn’t pay attention because they believe no one is paying attention to them.
Listen to their thoughts, play with them, or ask them questions.
When they ask you something, respond the way you would like your child to. There are times when a child will ask for an easy yes, such as turning on music. If you are busy, you may default to saying “No.”
It takes little effort on your part to say yes to your child. This shows them that you care.
Listening to your child is easier if you can find ways to engage them.
You can say no lovingly and kindly so that they feel you listened.
Give a Reason
It’s important to develop this habit because it shows respect to your child when you explain why you want them to do something.
You may have worked or participated in something where a rule seemed completely pointless. It can be not easy to follow directions when you don’t understand why they exist.
Give your child a good reason to do what you ask, even if it’s after the fact.
Some parents ask their children, “What is my job?” And their answer is “To keep you safe.” This is when the child is needed to hold their parents’ hand. It’s a clever way to remind your child why they are being asked to do something.
It’s important to start early. Some of your reasons may be difficult for them to comprehend when they are only three years old. It will be more important for them to understand the reasoning behind your rules when they are teenagers.
You can also walk them through the process.
You can intervene right away if your 3-year-old refuses to listen when you ask them to.
It is important to intervene immediately to help them understand that they must eventually do what you have said.
Then, you can walk them through each step. You don’t need to get frustrated because they didn’t pay attention. Instead, acknowledge that you are their coach and that you will help them.
You can use the phrase, “I see that you are having difficulty with.” “I am going to help.”
Make it fun
You will get your three-year-old to listen better if you make the instructions interesting and fun.
Use a singing voice, dance, or make it a game. Anything like this will help three-year-olds listen.
It can be especially helpful for those tasks that they have to perform but do not enjoy, such as brushing their teeth. YouTube has a number of videos that can help children enjoy brushing their teeth. You could also pretend to have little animals in your mouth, and the toothbrush must get them out. Or you could make the toothbrush speak to the child.
Fun can make it easier to complete certain tasks.
Expectations of 3-year-olds: Be realistic
There can be unrealistic expectations placed on children by the majority of people. This can lead to parents feeling that they have failed their child or being very strict in order to make them meet these expectations.
As an early childhood educator, I am a strong advocate of gentle parenting.
Learn more about the development of your 3-year-old child by clicking here.
Remember that everyone is different. It doesn’t matter if other children can listen and sit still during the read-aloud at the library; it doesn’t necessarily mean your 3-year-old can.
It would be best if you didn’t ask them to perform tasks that they are unlikely to complete. However, it is unreasonable to expect them to act in a particular way when you take them somewhere.
Some three-year-olds will not be quiet in the library or try to escape when they are on the playground. It’s sometimes best to avoid such places if you know that they won’t listen to you. You’re not saying that the child is a bad one, but you are showing respect for what they can do.
